then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
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