the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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