You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
