Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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