He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
