5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
