Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize