i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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