He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
