It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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