Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
