Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
