Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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