Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
