How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
