I just cut my nipple shaving
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
