NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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