My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
