Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
