Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
