Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
