Since when is my name a synonym for head?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
