I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
