you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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