Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
