Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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