I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Every concussion has its silver lining
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
