Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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