the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
