I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
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