God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
