It's like God shit irony all over that family
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
