I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
She bit a glass in half.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
