im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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