he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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