He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
