My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
