I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
