tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
