Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
