Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
