You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
