look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
She bit a glass in half.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
