just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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