Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
