theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
