On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
