isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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