I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Come see our sink grown plant.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
