What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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