so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize