someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
