It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
