weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
3 2 1 whiskey
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
