Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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