Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
