Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize