btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
