I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
