I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
we should paint friendship bongs
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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