He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
