being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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