atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize