Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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