she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
