I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
