she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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