just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize