Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Randomize
