he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
