like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
he thought i was a dude.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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