if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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