she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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