There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
