I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
