...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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